losing strings

losing people you thought were yours forever

i’ve been thinking a lot about how some people are just... temporary. not in a sad, dramatic way. just in a “oh, that’s how life is” way.
like, you think certain strings will last forever — connections with lovers, friends, even family, and then one day, they don’t.

i used to think i’d keep everyone i loved close forever. like, if the connection felt strong, why would it ever break? but then i grew up. and now i get it. things shift. people change. sometimes they disappear. sometimes i disappear.

i’ve had what i now call seasonal lovers. we talk for months, fall into that weird online thing — super intense convos, making fake plans like we’re gonna meet someday—and then boom. ghosted.

sometimes i’m the one who ghosts. sometimes i get ghosted. sometimes we resurface like nothing happened and fall back into it again. other times, we don’t. either way, it always feels like the connection was real… but only for that season.

friendships? that one stings more.
i’ve had friends who felt like soulmates, only for us to stop talking out of nowhere. no fight, no drama. just life happening. one of us gets busy, the other moves on, and suddenly we’re strangers with history.

and it’s always funny how we find our way back again. like, “hey omg i missed you,” even though we both know we didn’t do anything to fix it. and sometimes we don’t come back. we just stay on opposite sides of the internet, liking each other’s stories like it’s enough.

i also realized some friendships break because i started noticing things. like… their attitude, the way they talk about people, the way they never show up for me the way i showed up for them. and once i see that, i can’t unsee it. and suddenly, the friendship feels different. distant. kinda fake.

you ever realize someone was never really your friend to begin with? just someone who needed a place to dump their drama until they didn’t need you anymore? yeah. that.

family’s the same.

as a kid, i loved all my cousins. especially the older ones. i thought they were the coolest people ever. but now that i’m older, i kinda avoid them. maybe it’s the judgment i feel. maybe it’s because i’ve seen who they really are. or maybe i just outgrew the version of them i loved. whatever it is, there’s a wall now. and even if we talk, it’s not the same. i don’t trust them the way i used to. i’ve learned not everyone in your bloodline deserves your softness.

some strings break and never get tied back.
some get tied again, but there’s always a knot where it snapped.
and that knot? it reminds you. every time. of what went wrong before.

but despite all that… i still believe in the invisible string.

that one thread that’s always been there. even when you can’t see it.
like taylor said — tied from the start. across time, across distance. the kind of connection that was always meant to happen. you just haven’t met it yet. or maybe you did, but it’s not time yet.

i think about soulmates a lot. not just in love, but in friendship, in family as well.
the people who feel like home even when everything else falls apart. the ones who were never seasonal. the ones who were written into your life in invisible ink.

and i still believe i’ll find that. or maybe, it’ll find me.
and when it does, god i hope i don’t mess it up. i hope i don’t break it.
i want to be ready. i want to keep that string safe.

i guess what i’m trying to say is… nothing’s really permanent. even the people who feel like home. even the ones you swore you’d never lose. and it sucks.
but maybe there’s something kind of freeing in accepting that. like, maybe not everyone’s meant to stay — but that doesn’t make the connection any less real.

it just means they were yours for a moment. and maybe that’s enough.

xx